There are some things in life which simply cannot be expressed in words......
Here comes one of them.....Today...at this moment, the degree of my disgust and anger cannot be expressed in words....any words from all the languages of this planet...and those of other planets and those of other universe...if they exist....are not equipped to express this intense emotion.....
I feel like killing myself today...cannot live with this malfunctioning brain grossly incapacitant to take decisions or make judgements.....like roaming around in markets with friends just because the whole world enjoys it....hell....I dont....
They dont like sitting at the home...I do....but wats wrong with me is that today..I tried...actually tried to do something which I dont like..because a couple of friends insisted that it was the fun thing to do.....and these couple of buddies who are like totally different persons from.....its a baneful life outside home...its so difficult to survive in a world where one does not have any companion....in the sense a friend who is at the same mental level that you are.....I m in a state of longing for friendship that has power to....i dunno wat....just that true friendship is not about having fun together...it should have the power to uplift....
I mean I associated myself with the wannabe category...the one which I have forever denounced.....I simply fail to understand people....especially those in my age group....they are so much the same...in their consistent desires and attempts to be different.....I mean its so insipid..so plain....there has got to be a dash of eccentricity...a little quirkiness....and such uniqueness that is not cultivated..but natural...unconscious and totally spontaneous.....its so hard to find all of this.....
It feels incredibly artificial...to have laughed at a million things which dont seem to remotely funny to me....why ?..because it was intended to be funny...and everyone laughs at senseless things...I hate myself for being tolerant towards funny/unfunny nonsense/jokes (you can choose either of the options depending on the kind of person you are)...and its not tolerance..(tolerance is a gud thing)...I hate myself for being party to this crap...
So call me boring..plain..dull....hate me..tease me...mock me...ostracise me....kill me....i cant say that I dont give a damn...coz unfortunately these things do matter....but nothing is more torturous than trying to be someone else (however hip,smart,cool the 'someone' might be)
And its worse if you succeed in being that someone...equivalent to killing a distinct personality you could have been...
