Transition...

Again back to blogging after a good 8 months....
Stopped blogging because of this really eerie feeling, because all my blogs invariably talked about some confusion plaguing my mind, and that wasnt really my intent.
And for some reason, putting one's thoughts in words on something as public as this makes them seem quite shallow,that's not to say that I am not going to do that again.
Because thats all that I m made up of-thoughts, notions, theories and philosophies. As in I dont have much drama in life, no venomous spats with friends, no fights or flings...nothing to write of in my status updates...ostensibly nothing..
Not that I m complaining, because of all my friends who have an awesome life in college, who had a hell of a time at some newly opened hep hangout zone, or who just patched/broke up with their latest girl/boyfriend or all those adults who have a successful, sorted out life but are sore somewhat--no one really knows what they are doing...neither do I..

I am in college now, pursuing economics hons..but for some reason which eludes all logical reasoning, they are making us study hindi as well and also environmental studies in which they talk about history. Humans sure do derive some sadistic pleasure in making each other's lives complicated and difficult.
Anyways, its been a fairly smooth transition to college, got a cool bunch of friends. But its really nothing like what I had in mind, its not as cool as it is usually projected, but better than school atleast.

People are people, wherever they are, however much old or young they are. They shall always maintain that they hate hypocrites. Wake up people- humans are hypocrites by nature whether consciously or unconsciously. I mean people say that they hate bitching, quoting people who bitch and criticizing them obviously not in front of them.
In short they would bitch about people who bitch, all along stating that they hate bitching.
I think it sort of works this way, we have a lot of tendencies and qualities that we are taught to be quite objectionable and inappropriate or immoral, right from the beginning of our lives...like talking behind others' back, but it remains that we are critical of others, but dont believe ourselves to be. Because we have been taught to feel ashamed of it. So we go on living blinded by the veil of superficial righteousness. Its just that it takes a lot more effort to see through things and see through ourselves.

Plus, there is this another group of individuals who embrace 'bitchiness'..
"I m a bitch and I love it" sorts...why dont I see anything 'cool' about that..

For a lot many years of my life, I had believed myself to be quite special, as in thinking that know one could feel about things as strongly as myself. Its a conceited feeling, of looking at others with disdain, smirking at the frivolous and shallow creatures who I thought could never understand the depth of an emotion I felt, the way I did. It was the sort of vanity that makes a whole lotta souls proclaim that they are very 'emotional' and 'sensitive'. It was all so hollow, like all basis of vanity is, most of the times. I thought myself exceptional in a way many people think themselves to be, turned out to be a common feeling...

I make me cringe at myself...for I ramble more and write less..
Sorry,if any of you guys end up with a feeling of having wasted minutes of your precious lives by reading this...That surely wasnt my intent..

A CLUTTERED SPACE INSIDE ME

This comes from a story from the Indian scriptures, commenting on the way in which most of the people in the world live their lives -" They are born, and do some work in between eating times and die one day through disease or distress. Can't we do something better?"
The end of each and every passing day comes with the realization that I'm doing nothing better. I wonder if its only me or if everyone reels under this sense of discontentment or if they have discovered their ultimate source of contentment, or if they are living under the illusion of leading fulfilled lives or if its me who's living under the illusion of having a higher purpose to my existence which in reality doesn't exist, or if others were thinking about what they are doing at all...
Its the kind of feeling of having too many things going through my head- people, school, places, novels, movies, a million ideas, notions, which deprive me of even a moment of true silence.
I often wonder what I would have been if not exposed to these things, of what is the human mind like in its most basic and truest form, sans any prejudices, any influences; a mind that would know and learn through observation and experience...
I can only desire, without knowing how to achieve, a moment of clarity, a state of complete disillusionment...and this desire without knowing for sure if its not a fallacy that I seek..